As this year draws to a close, I find myself hating what I let 2016 become. I’m not sure why I’m writing this blog post, aside from trying to get my thoughts out of my head.
I’m a game developer, and those in my profession are all too aware how deep we can get into our jobs. We do what we do because we have a passion for it, this isn’t a career path you often encounter someone who just fell into it. That tends to translate into long, long willful hours, weekend crunches, and our hobbies intertwined with our jobs.
I used to think it was okay to put your career first. I used to think there was nothing wrong with everything else in your life coming second to the title. (Fucked up, amirite?)
Over 2016 I had many challenges to overcome. It was a difficult year for quite a few things I can’t publicly discuss, but none of that makes how I handled myself and the things I did acceptable.
Over 2016 I treated anything that wasn’t DayZ as almost not worth my time. What’s worse than that is, anything and anyone that pushed against that behavior was treated as an enemy of sorts. In my twisted mind anything that didn’t understand that DayZ was the most important thing, anyone that tried to take my attention away from DayZ was pushed away, in some cases.. Hard.
My SO, my friends, my health, my family, even my living situation suffered. I mistreated people, I mistreated myself.
I lost sight of who I was, and what made me me in 2016 and in many cases I worry that the damage I did is irreversible. I lost what is most important to me in 2016 and I don’t know if I can ever get back what I lost.
For me the road ahead is making sure I never put myself in that position again. Making changes in my life to get me back to who I was, who I am. Things will need to change for me in 2017 to ensure I have a heathy life, and that I never again put myself in a position like this again.
So I urge you, if you are a game developer, or someone that loses themselves in their job. Don’t ever lose sight of what is important. It doesn’t matter what you’re working on, it doesn’t matter how great or successful it is. In the end it amounts for nothing if you don’t treasure those who care about you and want nothing more from you.. Than you.
So when you get that chance to work a long night, or put in an RC crunch over the weekend.. Please don’t ignore those who love you for who you are – with everything else stripped away – all they want is you.
Don’t ever push away those who love you, don’t ever let yourself believe that the work is more important.
None of it matters at all, without them.